This winter weather has left me a little horse

Horses are pessimists. I guess they can’t help it since they’re all born neigh-sayers.

I asked for a pony last Christmas and found a 7-ounce bottle of beer under the tree. It took the edge off my disappointment.

It’s inadvisable to saddle a horse with your problems. Makes for a rough ride.

Likewise, you should avoid trying to stirrup trouble, unless “Trouble” is your horse’s name.

horses

Someone asked me if I was interested in horse racing. I said of course not; certainly the horse was going to beat me every time.

A horse’s teeth take up a larger amount of space in their head than their brain. Same as Donald Trump.

As many times as I’ve heard someone use the phrase, “She was rode hard and put away wet” — it was never in reference to a horse.

Did you know horses love to sing? That’s why you find them in a chorale.

A Jewish horse who loves to sing is called a “canter”.

Horses don’t believe in the institution of marriage. That’s why you never see them included in a bridle party.

Every time I ask to borrow $10 from a younger horse, he says he has nothing to lend. I suppose that’s because a foal and his money are soon parted.

Someone who shoes horses is called a farrier. If he overcharges for the service, he’s called an unfarrier.

horseshoe

I’ve got spurs that jingle, jangle, jingle. For that I was referred to an orthopedist.

I went to see a horseplay once. It was Othello, with a dark horse in the lead role.

Wild horses couldn’t drag me away from watching the Super Bowl. But my wife’s hairdryer trips the bathroom circuit and suddenly I’m expected to jump up from the couch.

John Branning

About John Branning

Besides what I contribute here, you can also ignore some of my earlier posts by not visiting my website, www.JohnBranning.com, as well as by not purchasing a copy of my books: “Selfie-Facing: Analog Musings in a Digital World,” which made the list of "The Best Self-Published Books of 2016" as seen on the Huffington Post, and my latest, "Keys To The Truculent Me."